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The Fire Page Earth Pages Index Crass Roots

No Pain, No Gain?

This about a person who had been a friend for several years. These circumstances happened when I was renting a room from her.

I was getting ready to locate some of my older favorite music on the internet to see if the songs were available on CD still, when I heard a loud thud from the other room. I walked into my roommate’s bathroom and found her lying on the floor where she had fallen. She was just starting to pick herself up but could only raise her face up. When she fell, her face and chest had landed on the track of a sliding closet door, which cut her face pretty badly. She was very weak and quite incoherent. I had a tough time trying to get her to sit up long enough for me to clean the blood off her face and chest. It took me a while to get her to remain sitting stationary long enough for me to go to the neighbor’s house to get assistance from a nurse who lived there. We got her into bed and I put a butterfly band aide over the deep cut on her nose. After spending some time observing her condition, we decided that she did not need to go to the hospital.

This is one of the worst situations that I have had to deal with, due to her drinking binges. She had not been eating much of anything for two weeks, no mater how many times I tried to get her to eat. The next day when she was more coherent, I took some pictures (to remind her in the future, not to go there) and to convinced her to let me take her to the hospital. She spent over a week there healing and drying up from drinking.

I have worked in emergency rooms as an emergency nurse assistant and got out of that line of work because it got to be too rough on my nerves from seeing peoples bodies ripped up due to alcohol related traffic accidents. So dealing with this roommate of mine was not an easy thing to do. This was one of many cycles that she has gone thru stemming from her alcoholism. I lost count of the number of times that she has been thru rehab. I have seen her go thru many of these binges with out eating for nearly two weeks at a time and end up in the hospital due to her drinking and depression. It sure was a tough thing for me to deal with, but I never gave up on her in hopes that she would get over it.

Happy New Year

This page is my reflection of the events since November of 1999. For the most part, it has not been a pretty sight. While visiting her family during the week of Thanksgiving her uncle who had a stroke a week or so earlier, said some very cruel things to and about my roommate. This impacted her to the extent that she went back to drinking. The day after Thanksgiving he died. When she got back home from her visit, she told me about the events that took place. There were other events she said that took place during her visit, which reflected that she was not treated with much respect by her family. I did my best to console her and get her to understand that strokes result in brain damage in some people to the extent that they cannot be held accountable for what they say. As much as I tried over several conversations with her, I had no success with getting her back on track.

After I got home from work on Christmas Eve, She was not there, and her car was. Upon looking for some sign of where she might be, I found what appeared to be a suicide note. I was devestated to say the least. I spent a few hours trying to figure out how I was going to deal with her family, house, and all... I received a phone call from the hospital about two hours Later. They informed that she did attempt suicide by drug overdose. I found out the next day that one of her AA friends happend to call my roommate the day of the suicide attempt. She became worried and called 911. After a quick rehab, she was released from the hospital and went back to drinking again.

During the holiday season, the company I worked for sold the fitness product line that I work in and I was transfered to the new company. I was under lot of stress due to that too and was spending more time on the internet for stress relief during that period.

On the afternoon of New Years Eve I was on the computer again when I head a noise in the other room. I walked into the kitchen and found my roommate with some blood on her face. I took her into the bathroom to get her to wash it off, when I noticed blood on her hands too. After gettting her washed up, I found that she had cut two half inch deep by two inch long gashes between her knuckles. The cuts were not bleeding much at the time so I put a clean cloth on her hand. I then took her to her desk and asked if she would call 911. I wanted her to take some responsibility for what she had done to herself. She did not cooperate, so I called 911. I was on the phone with the dispatcher until the police got there. When the police arrived, I had to give the information required for the police report. I was supprised by the amount of understanding and consoling given by the police and dispatcher. I was nearly in a state of shock at the time, but I kept my cool. I was asked if she had taken any medication. I said I did not know if she had, and that I did not think so. I did not see any missing.

You may have guessed by now that I lost all inspiration for a New Years Eve party I was invited to at a friends house. I was so keyed up that I just stayed home and played a game on the computer until about 6:00 am the next morning.

The following day my roommate phoned and said that they had to pump her stomach & fill it with charcoal because she had taken a bunch of aspirin to thin the blood to make her bleed easier (which she did profusely while on the way to the hospital, I was told). After treatment at the hospital, she was transfered to a rehab center where she spent a month getting more treatment. She is currently remaining dry and taking care of her mom and aunt in California. Due to the many circumstances I have had to face, of which you have seen a sample, I am finally getting some peace of mind, living alone and geting around to writing about this two years later.

It took quite a bit of effort to get these words out. Only 3 people knew of those events uptill now.

Toward The Within

On Saterdays at work by myself, I would listen to these songs among others to help deal with the Blues (fight fire with fire).

Sad and Deep As You by Dave Mason

Lips that are as warm could be,

Lips that speak too soon,
Lips that tell a story,
Sad and deep as you.

Smile that's warm as summer sun,

Smile that gets you through,
Smile that tells a story,
Sad and deep as you.

Eyes that are the windows,

Eyes that are the view,
Eyes that tell a story,
Sad and deep as you.

Tears that are unspoked words,

Tears that are the truth,
Tears that tell a story,
Sad and deep as you.

So Cruel By U2

We crossed the line, Who pushed who over?

It doesn't matter to you, It matters to me,
We're cut adrift, But still floating,
I'm only hanging on, To watch you go down...
my love,
I disappeared in you, You disappeared from me,
I gave you everything you ever wanted,
It wasn't what you wanted,
The men who love you, you hate the most,
They pass through you like a ghost,
They look for you but your spirit is in the air,'re nowhere,
You say in love there are no rules,
You're so cruel.

Desperation is a tender trap, It gets you every time,

You put your lips to her lips, To stop the lie,
Her skin is pale like God's only dove,
Screams like an angel for you love,
Then she makes you watch her from above,
And you need her like a drug,
You say in love there are no rules,
You're so cruel.

She wears my love, Like a see-through dress,

Her lips say one thing, Her movements something else,
Oh love, Like a screaming flower,
Love, Dying every hour,

And you don't know if it's fear or desire,

Danger the drug that takes you higher?
Head of heaven, Fingers in the mire,
Her heart is can't keep up,
The night is bleeding like a cut,
Between the horses of love and lust,
We are trampled underfoot,
You say in love there are no rules,
You're so cruel.

To stay with you I'd be a fool,

You're so cruel.

When I saw this video, I got a good laugh out of it and thought it would lighten up this page with some humor.

She's Mad by David Byrne

(The Download may be slow for some modems. Please have patience with the intoduction too.)

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